A Review of To Train Up a Child, by Michael and Debi Pearl

Andy Craig • Jan 27, 2023

(Please note: This is not a book recommendation! This is a review of a book I do not recommend, but I offer it to you as a way to think through books with discernment.)

To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl has now sold over 1.2 million copies since its 1994 release. It stirs up great passions in its readers, love and hate for its child training methods. Many Christians advocate it. Is this book worthwhile? Does it have a proper theology of parenting and a biblical understanding of child nature?

A Brief Summary

Michael and Debi Pearl write to give parents a practical guide for training their children according to the wisdom of Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” The authors expect that if parents follow their method of biblical training, both children and parents will be happier for life. A strong distinction is drawn between training and discipline. “Training is not discipline. Discipline is the ‘damage control’ part of training…. Training is the conditioning of the child’s mind before the crisis arises. It is the preparation for future, instant, unquestioning obedience.”* The training in children begins while they are still infants. For example, nursing babies should have their hair gently pulled if they bite while nursing. This is not considered by the authors to be punishment, but conditioning. “Conditioning requires no understanding or reasoning.” The goal of the authors is absolute and unquestioning obedience to the parents at the first issue of a command.

The Pearls’ training method to create this family peace centers upon “the rod,” an instrument for inflicting varying levels of pain in conjunction with a failure to keep parental commands. Consider this example of their training method: “Place an appealing object where [the child] can reach it…. When they spy it and make a dive for it, in a calm voice say, ‘No, don’t touch that.’ … They will likely pause, look at you in wonder, and then turn around and grab it. Switch their hand [with a pencil, wooden spoon, etc.] once and say, ‘No.’ Remember, in this exercise you are not disciplining, you are training.” This exercise is to be repeated. “Most children can be brought into complete and joyous compliance in a few minutes.”

The First Problem: Human Nature

Pearl writes regarding the nature of children:

That children “begin life in innocent self-centeredness”
“unrestrained indulgence is the very essence of future sinfulness”
“At some point every child faces his own ‘tree of the knowledge of good and evil’”

According to Pearl, children do not inherit Adam’s sinful nature, only his God-given self-centered nature that will lead to sin in the future when they face their own test in the garden. Pearl admits that everyone besides Jesus has failed the test. But this view of human nature leads to a dangerous conclusion: “You can begin the child’s sanctification long before his salvation.” In making that statement, Pearl is operating based on an unorthodox view of sanctification. Every child who is born is born in the flesh with a sinful nature and thus “by nature children of wrath.” Paul states in Romans 8:8, “Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.” Sanctification is impossible without the Holy Spirit (Rom 8:1-6). Unless a child has the Spirit of God dwelling in them, parents have no more ability to bring about sanctification in their child than they do the new birth. We can pray, train, discipline, instruct, and reprove, but we are not the agents of salvation or sanctification. That John belongs to the Triune God alone, planned by the Father, purchased by the Son, and effected by the Spirit. While we may adopt some of the same methods as Pearl, we do so with a very different understanding of salvation, sanctification, and human nature.

The Second Problem: No Distinction

Both Christians and non-Christians have equal access to the Pearls’ training methods for young children: “At this point we are not talking about producing godly children, just happy and obedient children. The principles for training young children to obey can be applied by non-Christians as well as Christians.” A distinctly Christian approach to child rearing is never established for young children. The gospel of grace is rarely addressed in the book and thus receives little application to parenting. If a non-believer who refuses to repent and trust in Christ can use this book for their parenting as well as a believer, then there is a fundamental flaw in the book’s approach.

The Third Problem: Training Animals?

In a bizarre chapter titled “What Would Rover Do?”, Pearl refers to nature for substantiation of the practice of spanking. Dolphins, dogs, and a Koala named Angelica are all cited as natural examples of disciplining their young. Not cited are the examples in nature of animals that eat or abandon their young. But this bizarre chapter is in agreement with the author’s ongoing comparison between children and animals. “Training doesn’t necessarily require that the trainee be capable of reason. Even mice and rats can be trained to respond to stimuli. Careful training can make a dog perfectly obedient.” Pearl later compares training a child to training a horse, even to the extent of drawing child training techniques from horse training techniques. This is conditioning an animal, not parenting a human child with a soul.

The Fourth Problem: False Promises

Proverbs is not a book of promises. It is a book of wisdom and principles for godly living rooted in a fear of the Lord. However, the Pearls mistakenly take Proverbs 22:6, which serves as title for the book, as an infallible promise from God. This text is never exegeted or explained in biblical context by the Pearls; it is just assumed as a promise. As such, they make wild claims in support of their training methods that a child will always turn out good:

“Proper training always works with every child”
“If you are faithful to administer negative consequences upon every infraction, whether in attitude or action, in just a few days you will have a consistently obedient and cheerful child”
“Those who are always consistent will quickly come to never need [the switch]”
“Just think of it, children who never beg, whine, or cry for anything! We have raised five whine less children”
Concerning a three-year-old girl trained according to the Pearls’ methods: “This little three-year-old girl was completely trained…. She will never be anything but a blessing”

Those are audacious claims. “Always, every, never.” The Pearls do not address the prodigal son in Luke 15. Perhaps he was not properly trained by the father according to their methods?

Conclusion

Some things sound too good to be true. To Train Up a Child is too wrong to be right. There are truths contained in it and some worthwhile thoughts. But the foundations of it are misaligned, so the overall structure is unstable. The bent toward behavioral conditioning like lab rats, the wrong view of human nature, and the misunderstanding of promises and Proverbs all add up to a faulty foundation. Some practices they advocate will look right and proper. But biblical parenting is less like the kind of flow chart the Pearls would have us think it is. True wisdom, prayer, consistency, reliance upon the Lord, exercise of biblical authority, kindness, love, right view of the sinful nature of the child’s heart, and the need for regeneration are the kinds of complexities that take biblical parenting far away from conditioning a walking and talking lab rat.

*All quotes from: Michael and Debi Pearl, To Train up a Child (Pleasantville, TN: NGJ Ministries), 2011. Kindle Edition.

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A Review of To Train Up a Child, by Michael and Debi Pearl

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